What are individual “lead patterns” and how do you recognise and use them?

V A K O G  is an abbreviation and one I’d like you to remember as it could be the formula for the most exciting changes you can make in your life and your ability to communicate and be communicated with “effectively”!

It stands for Visual, Auditory, Kinesthetic, Olfactory, Gustatory and I’ll help you make more sense of it, what it means and why it’s so important to know and understand.

It is basically the “modality” or preferred system of communication that an individual will use to process information and to relate that information back to you.

For example, someone who thinks of things in terms of pictures or moving images is primarily a visual person and the modality that they use would be Visual.

A person who thinks in terms of sounds and words is primarily an auditory person and the modality that they use would be Auditory.

A person who thinks in terms of feelings and emotions is primarily a Kinesthetic person and the modality they use would be Kinesthetic.

Not quite as important and not used as much in everyday communication but still worth mentioning is a person who will think in terms of aromas, maybe someone like a wine taster or perfume sales person for instance and their preferred modality would be Olfactory.

And again not quite used in everyday communication is the person who thinks in taste, such as a chef or wine taster and their preferred modality would be Gustatory.


All well and good I hear you say but what the heck does that have to with me and why is it so important.

Here’s an example.

If you were primarily a visual person and therefore all your thought processes were in images and moving pictures and you were trying to get across a message to a person who might be primarily kinesthetic and thought in terms of feelings and emotions what kind of conflict do you think that might create?

A visual person by the very fact that they think in pictures and moving images will tend to speak very quickly and breathe shallowly and quickly from the top of their chests and will process information very quickly.

A kinesthetic person by contrast will think in terms of emotions and feelings and will therefore by proxy internalize their feelings and process their responses internally before responding, a much slower process than a visual person, they also tend to breathe deeply into their tummies and speak at a slower pace.

Does this now start to make a little more sense; do you see where we’re heading with this?

Let me elaborate.

A visual person by his very nature will expect an immediate response and will use words like “can you see what I’m saying”?

Of course the kinesthetic person can’t “SEE” what the other person is saying as they are not thinking in pictures and images; they’re using their feelings and emotions and therefore will be slower to respond.

If you as the visual person were to recognize these signs, how powerful do you think you could become at communicating, assertively and confidently.

Using words like “can you feel what I’m saying” you immediately send them a message in their own “feedback sandwich” using terms that they can understand and equate to.

By the same token, if the other person is primarily auditory and thinking and processing in sounds and words, by simply changing your speech patterns and asking “can you hear what I’m saying” you are again communicating in THEIR language and their unconscious mind can then process the information you are giving them in their “own language”.

An auditory person will breathe from the middle of their chests and will think about something and analyse it before responding.

Learning to recognize and understand these signs and “modalities” are a very powerful way of increasing your understanding of human nature and the way that individuals operate, and are a fantastic TOOL that you can use.

Clues to watch out for are in speech patterns.

What kind of words are the people in your office using?

Visual:  Look, picture, focus, imagination, insight, scene, blank, visualize, perspective, shine, reflect, clarify, examine, eye, focus, notice, watch.

Auditory: Say, accent, rhythm, loud, tone, resonate, sound, monotonous, deaf, ring, shout, remark, listen, speechless, vocal, silence, shrill, quiet.

Kinesthetic: Touch, handle, contact, push, rub, solid, warm, cold, rough, tackle, push, pressure, sensitive, stress, tension, touch, gentle.

Olfactory: Scented, stale, fishy, nosy, fragrant, smoky, fresh.

Gustatory: Sour, flavour, bitter, taste, fishy, salty, juicy, sweet.

Don’t be afraid to experiment and have fun, create some games with your colleagues and guess what kind of “modality” they are.

Then spend a morning conversing with each other in the correct modalities for each other and see what kind of effect it can create and how it can make a huge difference in the way that messages are “sent” and “received”.

Of course all this is a very simplistic way of presenting this and there is obviously a lot to be learned that can only be taught in a controlled and fun environment, but this is a start and will initiate your thought processes and at the very least it will give you a much deeper understanding of the power of speech and the effect it can or can’t have.

All these exercise and much more can be experienced firsthand by booking Garth Delikan, The Lifestyle Guy where all these principles and techniques will be taught to you and your department in a fun role play situation where you will gain a greater understanding of everything covered in this article.

10 Simple Postures That Boost Personal Performance

Psychological research suggests simple actions can project power, persuade others, increase empathy, boost cognitive performance and more. We tend to think of body language as something that expresses our internal states to the outside world. But it also works the other way around: the position of our body also influences our mind. As the following psychological research shows, how we move can drive both thoughts and feelings and this can boost performance.

1. Pose for power

If you want to feel more powerful then adopt a powerful posture. When people stand or sit in powerful poses for one minute—those involving open limbs and expansive gestures—they not only felt more powerful but had increased levels of testosterone flooding their systems. Powerful poses take up more space, so spread your body and open up the arms or legs. When you dominate the space, your mind gets the message.

2. Tense up for willpower

Tensing up your muscles can help increase your willpower. A series of 5 scientific studies found that when people firmed up their muscles they were better able to withstand pain, resist tempting food, take an unpleasant medicine and pay attention to disturbing information. So, if you need to increase your willpower, tense your muscles. It should help.

3. Cross arms for persistence

If you’re stuck on a problem which needs persistence then try crossing your arms. Participants who do just that and found they worked longer at a set of difficult anagrams. In fact about twice as long. Their persistence led to more correct solutions.

4. Lie down for insight

If crossing your arms doesn’t work then try lying down. Since anagrams are a type of insight problem, lying down may help you reach creative solutions.

5. Nap for performance

While you’re lying down, why not have a nap? Napping is an art-form though. Nap too long and you’ll suffer from sleep inertia: the feeling of being drowsy for an extended period. Nap too little and there’s no point. Where’s the sweet spot?

For increased cognitive performance, vigour and wakefulness, the best naps were 10 minutes long. Benefits were seen immediately after 10 minute naps but after longer naps it took longer to wake up. Five minute naps only provided half the benefit, but were better than nothing.

6. Gesture for persuasion

The way people’s hands cut through the air while they talk is fascinating. But it’s more than just a by-product of communication. Hand-gestures help increase the power of a persuasive message when compared to no use of gesture. Most effective are gestures which make what you are saying more understandable. For example, when referring to the past, point behind you.

7. And gesture for understanding

Gestures aren’t only helpful for persuading others, they also help us think. Children who were encouraged to gesture while learning, retained more of what they learnt. Moving our hands may help us learn; more generally we actually seem to think with our hands.

8. Smile for happiness

The very act of smiling can make you feel happy, whether it’s justified or not. Again scientific studies had participants holding pens in their mouths so that it activated the muscles responsible for smiling, or not. Those whose smiling muscles were activated rated cartoons as funnier than others whose smiling muscles weren’t activated by the pen in their mouth. So, forcing a smile really does make us see the world in a better light.

9. Mimic to empathise

If you want to get inside someone’s head, you can try copying their behaviour. Those who are good at empathising do it automatically: copying accent, posture, expressions and so on. If you can copy it, you will feel it yourself and then you’ll get a hint of what others are feeling. It’s what actors have known for years: mimicry is a great way of simulating others’ emotional states.

10. Imitate to comprehend

The idea that copying helps us understand others works for thought as well as emotion. People find it easier to decipher an unfamiliar accent if they tried to imitate it themselves. Some psychologists go further, claiming that imitating others helps us predict what they are going to do.

Embodied cognition: Many of these studies support a theory about human life (and indeed all life) called ‘embodied cognition’. The idea is that we don’t just think with our minds, we also think with our bodies. Our mind isn’t a brain in a jar, it is connected to a body which moves around in an environment.

As life becomes increasingly virtual, played out on screens of varying sizes, we need reminding that the connection between mind and body is two-way. Human intelligence is more than abstract processing power; it’s about the interaction between mind, body and the world around us.

All these exercise and much more can be experienced firsthand by booking Garth Delikan, The Lifestyle Guy where all these principles and techniques will be taught to you and your department in a fun role play situation where you will gain a greater understanding of everything covered in this article.

Confident Life Skills: Body language:


Over the ensuing months we are going to cover in detail all the nuances of what I call “Confident Life Skills” or being able to communicate in a much more positive and effective manner with the people in your life, whether it be work colleagues, including management, your friends, or just everyday people that you encounter.

People give off signals all the time, and knowing how to recognize those signals is a very important part of the process we are going to cover.

All my life I’ve always worked in some form of managerial role or other which has meant a great deal of interaction with other people at various levels and being able to communicate effectively with them all, but it has never ceased to amaze me how many people actually sell themselves short without actually realizing that they are doing it by being unable to get their viewpoint across successfully and effectively.

A lot of people think that by being “aggressive” or “forceful” that they will impart their personality or viewpoint on another individual but are then surprised to find that it has the opposite effect!

And don’t forget being “aggressive” doesn’t necessarily mean being physically violent. So much can be learned by taking a step back and having a look at how your actions impact on another person or other people and once you can “sense and feel” what you are doing it will make a huge difference in how you project yourself.

Part of being able to get on in life and to be able to cope with things in an effective manner is in your perception of other people and in the way that other people perceive you.

You’ve all heard how most people tend to make a judgement of someone within the first 10 seconds and that first impression is the first and most important impression you can make.

So, ask yourself, if that’s the case and people are making such “instant” judgements what are other people thinking of me, and just as importantly what kind of impression am I making on the people that matter?

What can I do about it and is there in fact, anything I can do about it?

Well the good news is YES, there is an awful lot you can do about but it is something that you will have to work on and depending on how badly you want to progress at work or in your life it’s the effort you put in that counts.

So why do people make such instant decisions and how are they able to do this?

Well did you know that 55% of any communication is “physical” and includes facial expressions, gestures and body language and all these signals are being given out “unconsciously” so we are not even aware most of the time that we are even sending them out as they have become part of our everyday make up and habit.

38% of any communication is “the tone of voice” which means that people are listening to the tonality of what you are saying as opposed to “hearing your words”! So it’s very important to be confident in how you project your voice as well as your physical body as it all part of the same package. Strong positive body language coupled with a great speaking voice will always convey an air of confidence and authority.

7% of a communication is based only on the words that you use!

Now this is an incredible important bit of news because it means that just because you think the words you are using are important, they actually aren’t, and are having very little impact on what you are saying and the information or message you’re trying to get across.

It’s the way you say it and the way that you project it that’s important!

But the good news is that all habits are learned and all these little “signals” that we give out have been learned over a period of time and logic therefore tells you that “new habits” can be learned just as effectively and be put to better use and thereby cancelling out any of the old habits that you would like to change or improve.

So on the physical side what are we talking about here?

Slouched shoulders, nervous gestures, the wrong clothes, the incorrect accessories, facial expressions, nervous twitching, wrangling of hands, getting too close to people and invading their “personal space” too quickly without being invited in. (We will cover this subject in more depth at a later date).

Always check to see how others are responding to you and correct yourself correspondingly.

Always stand tall, shoulders back, chest high, tummy tucked in. Try to imagine an invisible golden thread that travels from the base of your spine up your backbone and out the top of your head. Not only does this improve your appearance immediately but it will also help you to breathe more easily and therefore look more relaxed, it also gives you an immediate look of authority, try it and see. If having an interview always try to breathe evenly and slowly.

When seated try not to slouch. Again this not only improves your posture and your circulation it will also help you to feel more alert and will help you to feel more in charge.

Try not to fidget!

Smile openly when appropriate and always try to listen before you impart any viewpoint of your own. Not only will this make you look and sound more considerate it’s also polite and people appreciate politeness and someone listening to their viewpoint.

Try to evaluate what is being said before “jumping” in with your opinion and always let someone finish what they are saying first.

And if in doubt to the meaning of anything, ask!

Be aware of the “tone” of your voice. Speak clearly and legibly and don’t try and speak too quickly (a common mistake when feeling slightly nervous).

Be animated in your speech and try to add an “inflection” to punctuate important points in what you are saying, injecting humour in conversation is always a good idea as long as it’s appropriate.

Listen to the words of the other person and always try to pronunciate clearly when you are speaking without sounding robotic, as again too many people mutter or speak too quickly or in too high a tone when feeling nervous or awkward.

Be in control and aware of your own body language and speech patterns and keep them under control “naturally and easily” and you’ll be amazed at the effect it will have.

These intrinsic skills can make such a difference to your professional and personal life you’ll wonder why they’re not taught in school.

All these exercise and much more can be experienced firsthand by booking Garth Delikan, The Lifestyle Guy where all these principles and techniques will be taught to you and your department in a fun role play situation where you will gain a greater understanding of everything covered in this article.

Why throwing your bathroom scales out of the window is a really good idea.

Have you ever really wanted to do that?

Probably because you had worked really hard, been eating well and exercising but that little metal box told you were a failure.

I was eighteen and a half stone, obese and unfit in August 2009, today I have lost six of those stones, I’m now fit, healthy and very happy.  And I have never owned bathroom scales and I didn’t weigh myself at all until I’d lost three stones.

I didn’t have scales when I was big for obvious reasons, I knew how big I was, I could see it every time I looked in the mirror, or put on my size twenty four jeans.  I’d been weighed for some surgery a while ago, had told the nurse I didn’t want to know the figure; I did though have a sneaky look, gulped and then buried my head firmly in the sand. I didn’t need scales to tell me how bad things had got.

So why do you need to throw your scales out of that window?

My reasons are very simple:

If you are eating well, maybe exercising too, you get on the scales and the first week you lose two pounds, you pat yourself on the back, you’ve done well, it was worth all the effort. The second week, you do exactly the same positive things; you may have been trying even harder, however the metal box tells you ‘one pound lost’.

How do you feel, I can almost guarantee that you will feel deflated, unmotivated and wondering why you are bothering?  You’ve lost the celebration of your achievement of losing three pounds and wondering what you’ve done wrong.

So if you hadn’t got on the scales for four weeks and found you’d lost seven pounds, how would that feel?  Fantastic, it’s half a stone, you’ve done really well and you’re motivated to carry on because you’ve succeeded!

What you didn’t of course see were the fluctuations in your weight across the weeks, this is a perfectly normal pattern. You won’t necessarily lose the same amount every week whatever you do.   For women your hormonal cycle will really affect this too.  Also if you lose seven pounds across a month, you will feel it too, your clothes might feel just that bit looser, if you’re doing the right things why do you need the scales to tell you that? If you eat less and healthier and move more you will lose weight, that’s guaranteed.

And if you weigh yourself every day, well the issue is just amplified massively!

There’s something else too, when you lose weight, at the back of your mind is the total amount to want to lose or the weight you want to reach, it may be an enormous number.  So every time you get on those scales, you are reminded just how big that challenge is. Whilst knowing what you weigh at the beginning is important, we may perhaps need a shock to get us to change. To be reminded constantly can take the focus away from what you are actually achieving each week.

It’s too much to ask of yourself; you need to focus on much smaller goals, those that you can see as being achievable, losing a dress size or not getting out of breath going up stairs for example.  Try to find things that you could do in a month or so, it’s far better to succeed at a smaller goal than fail at a bigger one.

At the beginning you won’t be able to visualise what losing the big figure will look like, and the more you have to lose the more relevant this is.  If I had started out with the goal of losing six stones, it would never have happened, it is too big, it would have felt impossible, however getting into a pair of size 22 jeans seemed reasonable and achievable.  And to be reminded all the time how much I still weighed and how far off twelve and a half stone was, I don’t think that would have motivated me in the slightest!

So try weighing yourself only every month, if this is too hard at the beginning, the minimum should be every fortnight but do try to increase the time intervals if you can!

The figures you’ll then see on the scales will be much bigger and far more motivating.

If you start off not being a slave to the scales then you stand a much better chance of being able to sustain weight loss too, I know that my weight will fluctuate now, I’ve had periods of doing a lot more exercise or times when there have been holidays or events where I probably eat more than I would normally do, however by not getting on the scales I’m not feeling ‘punished’, my clothes might feel a bit tight, so I adjust my exercise and food again!  So I still don’t own any scales and a year on from the initial weight loss, it’s all still off and I feel wonderful!

I don’t need a pair of scales to tell me that! Go on, give it a go and see if it works for you!

I‘m Trudy Kelly, I’m 43, and I lost 6 stone in 14 months not being on a diet, I just followed a commonsense, very simple approach. I’m not a health guru, I’m an ordinary girl who has achieved what I even thought was unachievable. And I’ve written a blog about it. http://loseweightandkeepitoff.wordpress.com/



Women's Awareness and Self Defence
Confident Life Skills
Confident Student
All Content Copyright © The Lifestyle Guy A Speaker, Single Dad and above all a women’s campaigner:
Theme created with SpiderWeb Press™